Dudes of Cancer: Monsieur October

Joe Torre

Many don't realize that Joe Torre was a nine-time All-Star, as well as a National League MVP during his playing days, once even batting with a .363 average. Additionally, most don't realize how poor he was in his early years as a manager, leading his teams to a 47% win percentage.

And then he managed the Yankees for 12 years: Tino Martinez, Derek Jeter, Wade Boggs, Bernie Williams, Paul O'Neill, Ruben Sierra, Tim Raines, Darryl Strawberry, Jorge Posada, Cecil Fielder, Kenny Rogers, David Cone, Jeff Nelson, Andy Pettitte, Dwight Gooden, David Wells, Chuck Knoblauch, Scott Brosius, Orlando Hernandez, David Justice, Jose Canseco, Alfonso Soriano, Mike Mussina, Jason Giambi, Robin Ventura, Hideki Matsui, Gary Sheffield, Alex Rodriguez, Kenny Lofton, John Olerud, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown, Johnny Damon, Roger Clemens, and Mariano Rivera. With the Yankees, he ticked off 1,173 managerial wins with a 61% win percentage, and a 4-2 World Series record. He'll be regarded as one of the best managers ever. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying.

Torre was surgically treated for prostate cancer in 1999. Despite his Yankee affiliation; and his shit-talking about poor, innocent, young, stupid, naïve A-Rod in his recent book; and that he turned down a $5 million contract to manage the Yankees in 2008 (which would have made him the highest-paid by $1.5 million) because the offer was beneath him, we are still happy to have him in the Survivor's Club. Additionally, Pfizer would be happy to have Torre advertise Viagra, as ED is an unfortunate side effect of prostate removal. Personally, I would love to see 70-year-old Torre in ExtenZe commercials, or at least see Torre fight Jimmy Johnson for the spot.

Postscript: Notice the November 4 time stamp for Monsieur October. Clearly I did this on purpose as a post-Halloween "trick."