Safety

The following is a text message conversation between me and my friend. I was on the Metrorail headed for work.

Friend: I just farted so bad that I smoked myself out of my office.

Me: Make sure to leave a trail.

Friend: They're spraying Febreze in the hallway now. That can't possibly be because of me.

Me: Wow, that sounds like one of those once-in-a-lifetime rips. Be proud. That's lethal.

Friend: It's actually a little embarrassing.

Me: Are you sure you didn't poo yourself? Better check yo self.

Friend: That's my next move. As soon as I finish e-mailing an apology to the whole office.

Me: Did you claim that fart as your own or did they smell your brand?

Friend: No, you don't claim those. I don't think they know it's me for sure. But, I think they suspect someone.