Happy Valentine's Day, Mom

My roommate bought roses for his girlfriend. "How much did you spend…like $30?" I asked.

"Yeah right," he said. "Try close to a hundo."

"One-hundred dollars just for flowers?"

"...And a balloon."

What is it with girls and flowers? For that much money, I could buy a year's worth of chocolate or make a significant contribution to my mutual fund. Flowers aren't nearly as appealing to the senses as chocolate, and also won't give you the ability to buy twice as many flowers eight years from now.

Flowers are a worthless gift, withering away in a matter of days, giving a pleasant odor only when placed directly under the nose, and resembling every other plant life outside my home, with the exception of being red. If it means that much, I'll paint some brushes. Flowers are dangerous, too. They can breed fungus that can release spores that can cause fungal pneumonia that can lead to death.

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I'd like to wish my mother a Happy Valentine's Day. She's been having a rough time lately, dealing with significant back pain that won't seem to go away. Maybe this picture of roses, which cost me $0 unless I get sued for illegally using the photograph, will brighten her spirits.

If anyone else would like to wish my mom well by using the comment button below, I think she'd be delighted.